diary

Shoes and Prejudice

Well educated, not as much formally as informally when it comes to hobbies, foreign languages, exploring other cultures and wast interest in popular culture in general. These are the self confessions of a snob. Never the materialistic, fashion label obsessed kind, but the more subtle, equally annoying specimen. Lurking from the dark, sitting in a semi comfortable seat of an old art cinema, reading Le Mond and Le Nouvel Observateur in public transport, having coffee and initiating discussions on existentialism, judging you for your ‘too mainstream’ way of wearing Docs and rolling eyes so hard it hurts when someone proclaims their love for Starbucks.

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Huhhh, try typing and then saying all of it in one breath, it was as exhausting on paper as much as it is in real life! And it’s just the tip of an iceberg. The persona behind the mysterious description is me, of course, but it’s not a post only about me. There are many ‘me-s’ around me: educated, somewhat intelligent young people who are often subconsciously looking down at different lifestyles and interests. At the same time, we will be the first ones to raise our hands when asked if we believe in diversity, tolerance and acceptance through breaking the mental and physical borders that our world is constructed on, but fail to lead with an example in our closest surroundings.

The unusual part of this millennial paradox is that, unlike in case of other flaws and misconceptions, I’ve noticed it in my own behavior on many occasions before even thinking of looking for it in other people first.

Living In a Bubble

I know I keep returning to this topic, no excuses, it’s because I feel this has been a problem of mine for a long time. The simplest way to function in every aspect of life would be surrounding ourselves with people who are similar to us. Similar background, habits, level of education, interests, whatever. Everything similar, not too many surprises. We are drawn to that concept, mostly led by past experiences and the usual, just go with the flow of what is already close to us attitude.

No matter how much time and effort you put into creating that firm bubble of safety, there will be a time when you’ll just have to break it and step out of it. Or life will break it for you just because it can. Luckily.

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All of this is closely connected to the overused but true ‘it is important to step out of your comfort zone’ mantra. What I’ve learned from my humble experience is that people are the most challenging, but also the most rewarding part that comes with the discomfort zone. The range of emotions, both good or bad, can’t be overpowered by any experience that doesn’t include dealing with people.

The Rule Book

I used to have rules. No, that’s a lie, I still have them, but some of them are fading away. Not strict, army type rules, but more like a list of details that served as an elimination system in meeting new people. The places people like to go out, music they listen to, movies they watch, the way they dress (shoes are the biggest deal breaker for me), how much make up a girl wears, what school did they go to, etc. Those are all either visual or superficial traits you can check by scrolling through someone’s Facebook profile for a second.

‘No way I’m hanging out with him!’ In under 10 words it’s done like it’s a no big deal, like there may not be any missed opportunities behind it. The number of times I’ve jumped to conclusion combined with the number of times someone didn’t want to have anything to do with me based on the first impression leads to….  a pretty big number I guess. But anyways, that’s not the truly sad part, what sucks is never realizing how inefficient our personal scanning machines are.

Becoming more opened towards people with different tastes and thoughts about how to live a life doesn’t mean forcing an introvert into turning into a very loud, outgoing person or abandoning your firmest beliefs and passions. The trick is letting the guard down, at first by focusing on it until it finally happens spontaneously. New experience begins with letting other people’s ideas come in and out again, like taking deep breaths while trying to relax.

What’s the worst thing that can happen? I can only think of not liking and completely disagreeing with someone’s way of thinking and it’s totally alright,  as long as it’s respectful.  I like to remember situations where I had to collaborate with different individuals which led to a pleasant surprise, making the grumpy old me admit I learned something new and useful from the horrible shoes wearing people.

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Mr. Robot as if it’s real life

This is just a test. An idea of being a blogger who in my case is actually a masked aspiring writer always sounded appealing. This is definitely not the first time I started writing online, but my lack of discipline usually catches up with me and before you know it, it’s  winning in the first third of the race while I’m breading heavily. It is a feeling very similar to smoking a couple of cigarettes on an empty stomach (idiot) first thing in the morning and then running to catch a bus because you didn’t leave the house on time because you were smoking. All in all,  I don’t even get to see the finish line.

Needless to say, I am a different person now (I just fell of my chair because the lie punched me in the stomach) and I after 60 seconds of googling decided to open my account here on WordPress because, honestly,  it was the first free blogging platform I was offered. I like to write, but only on special occasions and when I do, I write stuff down in a notebook, place the notebook somewhere where it will never be found and forget about it after a couple of ‘diary entries’. After a month or two, I get a new notebook and start again. Never give up.

So, this will be my diary where I will share my thoughts on everyday life combined with my state of mind influenced by the movies, TV shows or even music that I’ve consumed lately. Escapism is my favourite mind set, so there are a lot of movies (cinema is my first not -so -secret passion) and other pop cultural products that I embrace gladly with my arms open widely.

Lately, I started watching the second season of Mr. Robot, the show that makes your mind race even after you binged watched on it’s episodes. Don’t worry, I will not talk about the plot, just share a few sentences of my impressions. The series perfectly sums up the struggles of our generation, but not in an ‘economically challenged young individual’ kind of way, but gives you a broader aspect. While doing that, it’s not condescending, you feel like: oh, yeah, I knew that, but there are also stuff you didn’t think about, so it can at least open your horizons a bit. The parts with hacking and different programs they  work in are not close to me (and many of other viewers I believe), so you just have to trust the storyteller I guess while feeling humble in a way. Oh but you can’t really trust the storyteller Elliot because he’s more unreliable than Holden Caulfield. And that’s the beauty of it. Now that I’ve mentioned beauty – the scenes are perfectly thought about, with no complications in the scenery (there are enough of those in the story), minimalism combined with necessary depictions of luxury of the ‘big sharks’ and messy emptiness of Elliot’s world. All of that would be useless without soundtrack that makes uncomfortable scenes get under your skin without you realizing it at first and make your heart pump a little faster, or slow everything down to a point of numbness. Also, a different song in  the beginning makes me put it on my playlist right away.

That’s it for now, excuse my English, I will do a proper grammar check a bit later today.