This is not a self-help type of article, I can’t do that, not just because I think it’s cheesy, but simply because I’m not good at it. This is me asking some vital questions.
I see it everywhere around me – my mom does it, my sister, my father used to do it, my brother, my friends, oh and count me in, even though I’m reluctant to admit it. I’m talking about things – looking for, constantly craving and finally buying new stuff – clothes and accessorize are more common with female population and gadgets among men, but I don’t want to generalize and go along with common expectations since my dad has over 50 pairs of shoes and unknown number of shirts. Half of those are, you’ve guessed it, never worn.
It’s a never-ending loop, a process of looking for that perfect piece of clothing that is going to fill your life with purpose or create your improved identity, buying it, coming home and shortly after that realizing that you need something else. Every satisfied need for an object, no matter if it’s a T-shirt, a bag, a new lamp, table-cloth or iPhone opens a need for something else, something newer, something clean and unused.
Today I am in a position to pretentiously conclude I am more skillful than my sister in breaking the loop and realizing what is actually bothering me and therefore finding a solution for my heartache.
For example, my sister is in a never-ending look out for a new pair of pants – she owns I don’t know how many, from a bunch of ridiculously similar jeans in to all kinds of print summer edition trousers, but it’s never enough. Whenever she goes to the store, she buys new pants but always comes back a bit sad because she couldn’t find the ones she had in mind. Asking her about what exactly did she have in mind ends up really badly with us having a fight so I stopped asking questions, I just observe and thank the gods I escaped from the power of the loop.
‘Chronic dissatisfaction, that’s what you have’, I always tell her while sitting on my high horse, never revealing that I stole that line from Penélope Cruz’s character in Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Nevertheless, I am familiar with the occasional feeling of despair and thinking ‘I am so lame and everything I own is a bunch of worn out shit’ when entering the shopping mall. The positive thing is, after going in a couple of stores and trying out some clothes, I realize I already have everything I like wearing back home in my closet so I just buy similar stuff to replace the older, shabby ones. At the end of the day, I don’t really throw out that scruffy sweater because I decide it has a SOUL, yep, that’s how I manage the craziness, I play along with pretending expendable objects have a deeper meaning.